i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
