i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
