theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize