Banned from zoo.
Again?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
