it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
