He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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