garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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