Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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