No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
