Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
