just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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