She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
