Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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