They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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