I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
