My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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