we have pet lesbian snakes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
