Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The adults are the big ones right?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
