What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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