I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
