Pappa wants mamma naked
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Randomize
