If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
