So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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