I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
