And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize