for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
