redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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