Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize