you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
