billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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