You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
