IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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