mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
