oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
