then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
