u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
