R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
