Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
