At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
