I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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