then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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