Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize