Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
