No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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