38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just cropdusted the office
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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