East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
