when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
