girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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