Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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