she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
