can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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