You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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