i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
