i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
