Did you just see the Batmobile???
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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