My hand turned me down
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
