I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
