My liver just broke up with me...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
