one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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