Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
