The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How's work?
Spinning.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
