i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
