I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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