She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
