Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My first STD was from a foam party
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
