I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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