Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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