My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
