So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
