So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize