Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
