oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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