In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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