You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
if only i could text you this smell
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
